Scott Wm Eastman

This is a message to my daughter and son-in-law that got me unfriended on Facebook.

Dear Ben and Aly…

Kate and I have been watching and paying attention to your family’s life through Facebook lately (not the best gauge, I know, but still). I think about you guys a lot and it occurs to me that if I were you, I’d take these next couple of weeks before Ben starts his new job to retreat and regroup. You’ve got a short spell of time before the baby comes and your world will be upside-down. You may FEEL like you know what to expect but you don’t… no one does. And it seems to me there’s a lot of crud in your lives that doesn’t really need to be there… crud that’s not advancing your lives or your growth.

You need to inventory that yuck and get it out. Strip down your lives to the bare minimum so you can concentrate on a loving home and environment for Jake and the baby. Some of this stuff is stuff: material things that are distractions for you.

Next, I’d take a long look at your pet situation: is what you have (or what life will be like in the next couple months) the best scenario for your family or your pets?

Next, I’d look at your friends. As I’ve always told you, surround yourself with people you admire and would like to be like. I don’t believe that either of you have room in your lives for more drama created by your friends. You’ve got to circle the damn wagons and take care of your immediate family.

Ben, this is a critical time and role for you. This is where you “own” fatherhood and husbandry… This is where you fiercely create and protect such an environment (this often includes denying yourself to accomplish it).

You’re in a fight, Aly and Ben… not with each other but against the odds, against the drama and sometimes against those you thought were allies. Fight that fight fiercely. Jake needs you to, the baby needs you to and the “future you” needs you to.

If you’d like any help with any of this, Kate and I are happy and hoping to oblige.

With much love and consideration,
Dad

9 August 2010 ·